T-giving Day Lines and Cliches

Somewhere in the country today... maybe in my own family, some of the following lines/conversations will be had. Lucky me, I will be spending time on my own in private thought and might go see a movie... in a theatre, not on bootleg (refers to a line listed below.)

And isn't it funny how no one's T-giving table/turkey looks like the pic here... or like on television. Funny how media make us think certain days should be certain ways. Anyway, here goes...

On family
"There go ______ with that dranking again, and it ain't even three o'clock yet." or "You wanna little sip? Come on down to the basement and fix you a little something."

"If y'all invite ______, I'm leaving/not coming over." or in the way it's probably said, "Who told ______ to bring his/her a*s over here with all them bad kids?"

"Ooooh, last time I saw you, you was just a baby/this high/in high school..." (when they've actually seen you in the past year.)

"We shole wish you was here..." (to some relative who is on speakerphone with the entire family... and who is probably glad not to be there, lol)

"Come on in here with the men and watch the game while they get dinner ready..." (please, if you're raising kids do not subject them to this gendered way of holiday gatherings... I HATED watching the game with the fellas and actually wanted to be in the kitchen with all the juicy conversation.)


On food
"MMM, you shole put your foot in the (greens) (sweet potato pie) (ham)."

Probably a phone call first. "Y'all cooking chitlins?" or "You know anyone cooking chitlins? I want some but don't want to stink my house up."

"The doctor said I gotta watch my (pressure, sugar, diet) but one meal ain't gone hurt."

"You ready for seconds?" or "That's all you gone eat? What, you on a diet or something?" or "Y'all sure don't eat a lot out in California... you need to put some meat on your bones." (and you're really not hungry anymore)

"I can't even get up to go to the bathroom."

"Ooh, I'ma have to undo the button on these pants."

On politics
"I like Barack, but the country ain't ready for no black president."

"I like Hillary, but the country ain't ready for no woman president."

"Things sure will be better when the Clintons back in office."

"Remember how much money we had/how good things were back in the 90s?"

"Why don't he send his own alcoholic daughters over there to fight?"

On entertainment
"We got the new ___ on bootleg. Let's watch it after dinner."

"Why should I spend fifty dollars on a night out at the movie, when Junebug brings the movies up to the shop before they even come out for five dollars?"

"You see that Oprah when ____ was on? We got it on tape."

"Hey Junior, come help me turn on this TiVo/DVR/laptop/Internet/remote."

On exercise and diet
"I'ma lose this weight after the holidays over."

"We'll work this meal off at the mall tomorrow."

On spending money
"You wanna hit the sales tomorrow?"

"Gas too high. I ain't buying presents for nobody. NObody... y'all hear that. NObody."

"Yeah, we getting up at four in the morning to get that new... on sale at..." (impossible, since the statement is made just after midnight, and no one is even trying to get to bed.)

On the meaning of the day
"Today, we give thanks, not just on this day but everyday..." (the Fake-Christian-Nice table prayer/greeting led by the designated elder or church-goer, who the month before probably cussed someone out and afterwards said them "I'ma pray for you...")

Probably from the niece or nephew back from the first semester of college... "It's called Thanks-Taking, not Thanks-giving, because of what they did to the Native Americans. Why are we even celebrating?" (true statement, but will probably be met with some rolled eyes at the table, and a "I'ma pray for you... what they teaching you in that college?)

And in your family?
fs