Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Are "Out of the Relationship" Relationships Inevitable?

Since the revelation last week about the L.A. mayor's relationship with a local tv reporter and pending divorce from his wife, several talk and morning radio shows in L.A. have been discussing issues of infidelity, cheating, and outside relationships.

And then add in the mix of L.A.s large communities of color, and the discussions have moved to the silent acceptance many wo/men endure while their partners "do what they do."

Over the weekend, I got into a few "heated" discussions with friends/acquaintences -- some tourists in for Black Pride, some locals and people I see regularly -- about men, relationships, and people going outside their relationships for physical or mental satisfaction.

Many of my friends share opinions and/or experiences I wasn't aware of. That cheating is inevitable. That it happens regularly. That it is naive to believe that a partner isn't doing it or won't do it or doesn't think of doing it. And that eventually all romantic relationships and partnerships end, so just jump on the bandwagon and have as much inner and outer relationship fun as possible while you're young and everything still works.

I Wanted To SCREAM!!!!! Aarrrrrgggggh!

Never realized how much of a Charlotte from Sex & The City I was, until I found myself vehemently defending the position that not all men cheat, and though people can have thoughts and feelings about other people, that it's a conscious choice to go outside the relationship. And it's a choice or temptation that can be communicated about. That even flirting with someone else could/should be communicated about... so that both parties can work through what's going on. I even found myself saying that I would not want to know if someone I was romantically involved with went outside the relationship.

I don't know if that's being naive. Being self-protective. Being optimistic about humanity. Or being confident that I can read and discern character of people I am intimate with.

Or what?

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