Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Some Love. Some Pain. Sometime.

As we head into this "greeting-card-company" holiday called Valentine's Day, I can't help but write about what's on many of our minds -- whether it's for happy reasons or not-so-happy reasons.

Not that I'm currently in love with anyone. I'm kinda digging someone right now and we've been hanging out since the beginning of the year when we met. Such vague and non-commiting language, I know. Because I'm not sure if our expectations are on the same level, and honestly because it's been fun spending time with him, I don't want to jinx it by bringing anything up to show we're just not that into each other. If it's fun and flowing, why mess it up?

But I tell you, when expectations don't match -- meaning one likes one more than the other, or one wants a sexual relationship only while the other wants an emotional relationship to develop -- and no one talks about the expectations, that's how hearts get broken. Just say upfront -- I want this, what are you expecting, and I hope we match... or can grow to match in expectations. Or, if the expectations are mis-matched, and you KNOW you're mis-matched, and can psychologically deal with the mis-matched expectations... then by all means... enjoy. Being centered is a good thing in this area.

(If you're reading this... my fun/ny, goofball, still-getting-your-life-together, party-loving, spontaneous scheduler and flaker, server of a mean blended java, twenty-something man of multiple jobs and talents and skills... this is what you get for hanging with a writer type... you asked... we'll talk. hehe.)

So long story short, pick up or read J. California Cooper's short story collection Some Love, Some Pain, Sometime. Great stories about women who choose the wrong man, people who think they'll never find a significant other but do, and femme fatales who use every trick in the book to get a man.

What I love about J. California Cooper's stories is that the characters will tell you/teach you the things your mom or grandma would tell/teach you if they were in the room. That wonderful mother-wit. The stuff we all need. The stuff we choose to throw to the wind when we know we should take it into consideration. Just because he looks good... or makes us feel good, like a Monster's Ball "make me feel good" moment.

But ultimately, it's about J. California Cooper's writing.

Wrote about J. California Cooper before. And my favorite short story by her, "$100 and Nothing," about a haunting kind of love.



whoever said...

Oh that was one of my favorite book by J. California Cooper, Some Love Some Pain Sometimes. Great story of old souls!

dancehard said...

Very nice post Fred. I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying time and space with a good man. You are giving it to us real by stating how important it is to be up front and honest about expectations. That's a lesson I had to learn myself, and now that I'm practicing that truth, this whole dating/romance game has become MUCH easier to navigate. Sometimes even amusing (seeing how people react with you give them a dose of real talk).

I don't want to jinx your circumstances either, but I hope this guy can make you happy and you the same for him. When you have ol' boy on lock, but out a few blessings for me too!

BuddahDesmond said...

J. California Cooper is one of the best storytellers. She's a national treasure in my book. No one tells a story the way she does.

Xclusive Style of NY said...

Hi, Frederick.

I'm Ingrid from NYC (Manhattan) and I truly loved your excerpt about J California Cooper's book, Some Love Some Pain Sometime which happens to be my ALL time favorite, and reference book that I always go back to over, and over again (smile). I read this book about 10 to 15 years ago, and simply loved it. It teaches you about love, pain and survival. Thanks for the positive energy, and candid talk about dating and relationships. Stay tune for my blog in 2010 called Lovinself.


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