So I have a friend/acquaintance who I'm starting to have snobbish thoughts about/aimed toward him. Wondering what you think? Or if you've had a similar situation?The thoughts had kinda crept up just before the holidays. I let them marinate while I was away. Last night we hung out, and I had thoughts that I kinda don't want him to be part of my "group" anymore. I feel guilty about those thoughts.
The main reason. I feel things aren't reciprocal. Now, I can understand being short on cash in between paychecks. I can even understand that we are from different professional/social backgrounds, so things can't be equal, we can't do the same things, etc... Everyone experiences that. When we're doing rounds at the bar, he's always there with his order. When it's his turn for rounds, he need to take a bathroom break and returns with his solo drink. His hand is always out for gum, mints, a couple dollars for one of the cute dancers, etc... Another friend of my "group" told me he bought El Cheapo's New Year's Eve party ticket.
Shallow stuff to be reflecting on, huh?
The part I'm struggling with is the non-reciprocal friendship part. Now usually, in normal friendships, your initial greetings are "Hi" "How are you?" "What's up?" "How have you been?" etc... Not, "Do I look good?" or "Do I look like a top or bottom tonight?" or "How you like my outfit?" My inner snob is like, "Is that ALL you can greet me with, and you're 30 y.o.?"
Is that bad? I'm a nice guy, try to keep like drama free, quiet, not a snob at all. How can I be... I've got flaws like everyone else.
But... How do you deal with your inner snob when it comes to friendships? Is this shallow stuff that's not worth sweating? Is it worth a group intervention? Or do you slowly let a relationship drift away without any sort of processing? Shoot, it's a New Year.
Oh and by the way, I'm not even worried that he'll read this blog. My inner snob knows he doesn't read... ANYthing! :-)
fs
6 comments:
I don't think you're a snob. How you feel is how you feel. At least you're honest enough to say it. I think you have to decide if this person is a friend or just an acquaintance. If he's a friend, then you should be able to talk about this with him. If not, cut him off, because who cares how he'll take it - you're not friends. But definitely figure out what the relationship is and let him know what it is too. I'm a firm believer in all parties knowing what the deal is and most importantly the boundaries in a friendship, if that's what it is. And friends should be able to talk about things, especially issues within the friendship. Good luck! By the way, I'm a fan of your first book!
ole boy is a friendly acquaintance and not a friend at all. and it's crazy cause i'm dealing with something similiar myself and in 2009 all bets are off Fred! in these harsh recession times i need to keep my coins. there will be zero spending on those who don't spend on me. i've done it more than enough in life and i'm done dude. you at times like me are way too nice ;-)
Live YOUR Life, Mr. Smith.
Here's a quote a friend had on her blog for New Year's I've been sitting with, and feel is appropriate - very much so - for your post here:
You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
~Jim Rohn
So how is your 2009 going down? ;-)
Do you read some of the black women bloggers? They don't play. This creature you referred to sounds like what they would refer to as a damaged beyond repair (DBR) person.
According to this one black female blogger who promotes interracial dating/marriages for black women, men/people are either high value (HV), some value (SV), low value (LV)or no value (NV) to you and you have to be "ruthless" in getting rid of LV and NV men/people. He sounds like a NV person to me.
Get rid of him and don't lose any sleep over it. He doesn't add anything to your life or anybody else's apparently.
If you want to remain friends you should say something. If not just drift away. Unfortunately in adulthood this is what happens in time you find out who people really are. You either accept them for who they are and continue like you always have or make a change. Sometimes that change is just saying no and sometimes it's moving completely away. Only you can make this decision.
Geeez, Fred, do you have to air our dirty laundry? Fine, I'll put out more money next time we go out.
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