Sunday, July 13, 2008

Who Are You Really With?: To Hate or Like The Ex

Sunday night. Just finished watching Miss Universe pageant. Y'all know I'm a pageant queen. Anyway, one of my good friends called (in the midst of the pageant, mind you, but thank higher power for pausing live tv) with his own young, colored, and restless moment.

He went out to one of those Sunday happy hours at a local gay establishment. He ran into not one, but two, exes. Caused him a little tizzy and he had to call and process.

It's always funny and concerning to me when I hear my friend, or others like him, go into a tizzy over exes. I don't have any drama with any exes or people I've dated. In fact, stay pretty cordial, friendly, and even speak in public. Even if the breakup wasn't my doing.

But this friend in particular just HATES all his exes. Goes on and on about how THIS or THAT they are. Doesn't even want his current friends (including me)to say hello to the exes when we run into them, some of whom are pretty nice and fun people to talk to.

So to stop the drama, I usually ask this friend "Did you hate him this much when you were with him 24/7 the last six months? All these things you hate now you just over looked when you were together?"

I think there's a thin line between love/hate, letting go/clinging on, taking responsibility/placing blame.

And tonight found a really cool link on TheGayte-Keeper blog: Get To Know Your Real Partner. Some good, reflective questions on getting to know someone in the romantic sense.

If reflection isn't your thing, my favorite sex/advice columnist, Dan Savage, always advises us that ALL potential partners are damaged goods until proven otherwise over time. But, you've got to be willing to give the time to learn you've got a gem.

Are you friend or foe with your exes?

No comments: